The Linear Canvas
This journal is about the wrongs and rights of the world, as I see them.

The Linear Canvas

A Stranger in London, Ohio, Trying to Buy an Ice Cream Cone

December 20th, 2011 . by Alexander Fisher

A Stranger in London, Ohio, Trying to Buy an Ice Cream Cone.
visitor: Where can I get an ice cream cone around here?
native: Well, there’s Takacs’. That’s the old Dairy Cream.
visitor: Where is that?
native: Well it’s next to the old Kroger store, right by the old Ice House.
visitor: Where is that?
native: Well they tore the old Kroger down years ago and put a medical building there. But it was across from the old Lawson’s store.
visitor: Where is that?
native: Well they renamed it Dairy Mart for some unknown reason, but it was next to the old Burger Chef, right about where the old lumber yard was.
visitor: Where was that?
native: Well the old Burger Chef burnt down. But they had a Rax Roast Beef there for awhile, but it finally closed and then like I said, the building burnt down.
visitor: But where was it?
native: Well that was next to the old Bonded station on the corner.
visitor: I’ve never heard of a Bonded station, what is that?
native: (annoyed) Well they call it Speedway now. Hey don’t you know nuthin’?
visitor: I’m a little confused. Maybe I should just get a map. Do you know where I can get one?
native: Well you can probably get one at the new Wal-Mart.
visitor: Thank goodness. Where is that?
native: Just past the old Rink’s store.

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Psychic Powers

March 31st, 2010 . by Alexander Fisher

I saw this photo and it reminded me of a woman I knew named Sue, that used to work for the Psychic Friends Network. She was a nice person that, I’ll only say, was just a little odd at times. She had also taken a mystical sounding name and was using it when she talked to her telephone customers.

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The Psychic Friends Network was a company that did a lot of infomercials on TV starring singer Dionne Warwick in the 1990’s when the 900 number business was first getting popular. A few years later the bottom fell out of the Psychic Friends business and they closed and disappeared. Not long after that Sue came over to visit and told us that she had just been laid off from her job at Psychic Friends.

I smiled wryly and said, “Didn’t you see that coming?

Not thinking much about it, she said “No.”

The Best of Stephanie Miller (2009)

December 31st, 2009 . by Alexander Fisher

One of my favorite entertainers is radio host Stephanie Miller. I have pretty regularly listened to her radio show since its beginning in 2004. She is witty and very funny. I am the “Official Cable Guy” of The Stephanie Miller Show. Here is the best of Stephanie Miller from 2009 (so far) from her many TV talk show appearances.

 

If the video player does not appear or work, click here (part 1)

 

If the video player does not appear or work, click here (part 2)

Wanda Sykes and Health Care Industry Fear Mongers

November 16th, 2009 . by Alexander Fisher

Wanda Sykes generally gets it just about right while still making it funny. How she got a job on Fox Network mystifies me. Rupert Murdoch is rolling in his grave, even though he isn’t dead yet.

 

 

 

Click Here If The Above Player Doesn’t Work

Dock Ellis-LSD No Hitter (video)

November 14th, 2009 . by Alexander Fisher

Dock Ellis (b1945-d2008) was a major league baseball pitcher in the late 1960’s and 1970’s. He’s mostly remembered as a Pittsburgh Pirate. He was an above average pitcher and played mostly in the National League. He usually would win a few more games than he’d lose, but in his prime he had pretty good stuff and had a good career, with decent numbers.

He pitched a no-hit, no-run game against the San Diego Padres while he says he was under the influence of LSD. The 1969 National League expansion Padres were not yet a very good team in this their second year in existence. But it still counted.

Below is an animation of Dock telling the story of that game. I think it’s hilarious. As he explains, steroids is just the latest drug of choice in baseball. Many veterans will admit to being drunk while playing or taking speed to help their performance. Or usually because they stayed out too late the night before drinking. I bet none of them pitched a no-hitter though.

 

 

Click Here If The Above Player Doesn’t Work

Senator Al Franken; Is That The Sound Of Bill O’Reilly’s Head Exploding?

September 7th, 2009 . by Alexander Fisher

I’ve always liked Al Franken, No matter what Fox Network (they’re not news) says about him, he’s funny and smart. More so than any of the Fox-licans that hate him. I used to listen to his Air America radio show because it was informative and funny. I quit listening in it’s last year because he started running for the US Senate and the funny suffered. I can get informative from anywhere.

Here are a couple of cool videos taken recently at the Minnesota State Fair, of Senator Al Franken. The first one, he talks down a Tea Bagger mob with logic, reason, and knowledge. The second he draws a USA map from memory. I’d like to see Bill O’Reilly do either.

 

Senator Al Franken calms down health insurance reform opponents

 

Senator Al Franken draws a map of the USA from memory

Robots Will Kill Your Gramdma

August 29th, 2009 . by Alexander Fisher

This is a very funny Saturday Night Live sketch. It’s a tongue-in-check reference to the lies that the GOP, Fox News, and the health insurance cabal have been telling in the main stream media about Health Care reform.

(Hulu is about the worst video provider out there. Click Play below. Maybe it’ll work.)

You Can  Also Click Here For The Video